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The Secret of Monkey Island Hints

Complete List of the Sword Master's Insults and Replies

  • NOTE: You can only use a reply if you have already heard it from the sword-fighting pirates.

    Insult: "Now I know what filth and stupidity really are."
    Reply: "I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion."

    Insult: "I've got a long, sharp lesson for you to learn today."
    Reply: "And I've got a little TIP for you.  Get the POINT?"

    Insult: "There are no clever moves that can help you now."
    Reply: "Yes there are.  You just never learned them."

    Insult: "I hope you have a boat ready for a quick escape."
    Reply: "Why, did you want to borrow one?"

    Insult: "My last fight ended with my hands covered in blood."
    Reply: "I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose."

    Insult: "My wisest enemies run away at the first sight of me."
    Reply: "Even BEFORE they smell your breath?"

    Insult: "If your brother's like you, better to marry a pig."
    Reply: "You make me think that somebody already did."

    Insult: "You are a pain in the backside, sir!"
    Reply: "Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?"

    Insult: "I will milk every drop of blood from your body!"
    Reply: "How appropriate.  You fight like a cow."

    Insult: "I've got the courage and skill of a master swordsman."
    Reply: "I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them."

    Insult: "My tongue is sharper than any sword."
    Reply: "First you'd better stop waving it like a feather-duster."

    Insult: "No one will ever catch ME fighting as badly as you do."
    Reply: "You run THAT fast?"

    Insult: "My sword is famous all over the Caribbean!"
    Reply: "Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all."

    Insult: "Only once have I met such a coward!"
    Reply: "He must have taught you everything you know."

    Insult: "My name is feared in every dirty corner of this island!"
    Reply: "So you got that job as janitor, after all?"

    Insult: "Every word you say to me is stupid."
    Reply: "I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me."